It happens as we get older. In fact, it happens in every stage of our lives. It happens in relationships, with technology, or our views about life. At times we want it. Other times we fear it. This word does not discriminate in any way shape or form. The question is not what the word is ( in case you have already guessed it). The question is are we a part of it or scared for it to happen? Yes, the word is…
Most people identify with wanting something to change in their lives. Heck, we all want to change something in our lives, right? Think of a couple ways you would like to change your life. If you know what you want to change, why aren’t you making those changes? You know it, so do it. Easy, right? Not necessarily. I run across this all the time as a Life Coach. People want to make changes and they want to make them quickly. They do the necessary actions but sometimes it isn’t enough and the change they want doesn’t come. Time to dig a little deeper Watson (I have always wanted to say that dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit)! Joking aside, that’s what we need to do here; be our own detectives and gain some self awareness to find what is really holding us back from living the most fulfilled life possible. Let’s look at what can be lurking behind change so you can start moving forward, making the changes you ultimately want but might not seem to attain.
What’s Stopping You?
Whether it is changing careers, entering or exiting relationships, speaking up, carving time out for yourself, stopping an unhealthy pattern – or many more things I could list – change needs to happen. So, why isn’t it happening? The number one factor is: FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of safety and security, fear of a possible repeat of a pain or trauma. Fear stops people in their tracks. Even the anticipation of fear causes fear. What a powerful emphasis and energy we have given over to this mere four letter word. Sometimes rational, sometimes not — fear can be a bully. What are the biggest factors underneath fear? Death, safety, pain, control, and feeling emotions that we might not be comfortable feeling. Before we get swept away here on the bullet train of fear, here is a perspective for you: you have experienced all of those things aforementioned and, although the outcome may have ranged from uncomfortable and horrible to not so bad and even empowering — you have survived! If you are reading this, you have survived. More than survived: in most cases you have grown from it.
It is said that the anticipation of fear is worse than the actual thing being feared. Why? Our minds are THAT powerful. You see, fear is within you. It is not bigger than you. Fear resides within you, even if you see yourself residing within fear. Let’s give fear its proper size and shape. We as creative beings have the ability to create a perceived reality that is greater than us. But guess what? It cannot be greater than us because we are the ones creating it! Let me say that again, so it can penetrate whatever wall, shell, or defense might be there.
We, on some level, are the ones that perpetuate creating this fear that somehow has become bigger than us, but it is not. If we have the power to create it, we can change it.
Committing to Change
If you really want to change, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable for a brief period of time. Getting in a cold shower is uncomfortable, but you will survive and probably come out shaking and cold, but invigorated with much more energy than you had before entering. Moving past fear will always leave you invigorated, because the risk feels so big. Heard the saying, “Without risk, there is no reward?” You are no stranger to risk. You have risked many things in your life no matter how it turned out. Here are some questions for you to start looking at fear and change in a different way:
1) What do you want to change?
2) What do you need to do to make this change?
3) What about it do you anticipate, fear, or worry about?
4) What will happen if you do not make the change you want to make?
5) How will not making that change effect you and what you want for yourself in your life?
6) What are 3 things you can do to start on the path to that change?
These are questions just to get you started. This is such an important topic for people. I dedicate a whole chapter to it in my book, Unlimiting You. I go into more depth and give how-to’s for even greater discovery and change.
Remember, change is imminent. Our planet, our species, and our lives will always keep changing. Will we be able to adapt to the currents of change knowing that change is growth? That is up to you, but I suggest that if you know you want something to change, be your own detective and put things in their proper perspective knowing that you have already come this far in life, and if you have been wanting to change something, that inner nudge is there for a reason. Love yourself and support yourself enough to start the process.